Philip told us to journal about our costume and I, being at heart a slacker, haven't done it (mostly because I hate writing stuff out by hand and would rather type it). So, if he asks, I'll just cut and paste this blog and turn it in ;P (I wuv ewe Philip!)
My costume:
At first, I was like "I'm to busy to go out and spend hrs searching for a hat and coat!" so I went to Vinnie (who has pretty much any and all strange and depraved items you could ever want) and said, "Help me Obi-Wan KeVinnie, you're my only hope!" and he outfited me with a plastic viking hat (with horns I could turn in wierd directions) a boustiae (can't spell that), and garterbelt. I borrowed my room-mate's cloak and thought, "hey, I got it made now!" and trotted off to class.
Oh how wrong I was.
1st off, the hat wouldn't stay on, so I had to tie it there with the garter belt (no, I wasn't wearing the boustiae, never did in the end) which I'll be the first to admit was pretty funny, but wasn't quite right. And while I as a person and actor like to hide and the cloak made it easy as breathing, it just felt wrong.
For two weeks I tried it, and then Philip said, basically, if you didn't like what you had, chuck it. Find something that excites you. A few days later I was talking with Elizabeth (2008 grad of PAC) about how I was throwing it all out and starting over and she told me where and how she found her hat and costume and how, once she had the hat, the rest just came together and it was perfect. Also, she shared how whenever she was in her clown, she was just amazingly happy no matter what had happened during the day.
The very next day I was out shopping. My first stop was the store Elizabeth recommended (Hollywood Vintage on 28th and Hawthorne) to me. I wandered around the store for a while, choking on some of the prices, trying on various hats. I started to notice that the hats I was going for were all guy hats; I never picked up a lady's hat. A top hat. A beariea (can't spell). Cowboy. and finally a gray tweed flat cap.
I loved it. I looked at myself in the mirror, no makeup, purple rimmed glasses with paint chipped off, and saw myself but with a new layer I'd never found before. However, this newfound joy was not w/o its problems. See, the hat I was adoring was just a little too small and hurt my head as I wore it. And they didn't have any that were that color, in that style and one size up. Also, the one size up seemed a little big for my head and was always sliping around espeically with my pony tail. DISASTER!!!
I regretfully put the hat of my dreams back on the shelf and left. There were a few other vintage/thrift stores nearby and I decided to hit them up before giving up completly. I also called Phoebe to see if wool would stretch. We debated about it for awhile, and I revealed to her the epiphany I had had when I chose that hat (or it chose me, whichever): my inner clown (at least this time) is a boy. Honestly? I was a little mind-boggled by that realization. I did a clown workshop about 6 months ago and the clown I felt coming out that day was completly different (I think I was trying to recreate her with the viking hat, etc); she was bumblingly sexual and looked down her nose at all you silly little people. But a little boy? Where did that come from?
Anyway, I didn't find anything at the other stores and ended up going back to Vintage and just buying the medium brown flat cap even though it wasn't exactly what I wanted, it was still the style (6 pieces with a button on the top) and non-painful size. Next, I went BACK to the other thrift stores I had just been in and started hunting for the rest of my costume. In the equivialnt to a matchbox Salvation Army store (but some other religous donation run thrift store) I started looking around. I had a vague idea of the look I was going for now, but was trying not to limit myself to anything. I couldn't find anything that really caught my eye until I reached the slacks. There I found one of the ugliest pair of brown and tan tweed wool pants I think I have ever seen. I was immediatly in love. They were 3 sizes too big and they came half-way up my chest when I pulled them all the way up. I knew I had to have them (along w/ some suspenders, but they came later), and I got them.
I stopped at a few other places, but nothing really caught my eye, and I ended up at the gigantic Goodwill over near Belmont. I left the pants in the car, but decided to put my hat on just for the heck of it, to see what would happen and what my impulses were.
It was FACINATING! I put that cap on, stepped out of my car, and immediately felt my center sink down into my pelvis, I slouched, and my bottom lip snuck up part-way over my upper. I walked without hesitation past the ladies clothes section and into the guy's w/o pause. I meandered through the aisles and happened to glance at the sports jackets and saw this gawdawful blue, green, tan wool thread jacket. It is probably one of the most heinous things ever made.
Again, I was immediatly in love.
The shirt was a little more difficult, and I grabbed several that I thought would work. My favorite of them turned out to be my first reject as I tried them on over my clothes in the fitting room. Wearing the hat helped me know instantly if a shirt was right or not and it was on the third and last one, the least likely to me, that I knew. I had it on, and I went, "oh. OH!" and quickly put on the jacket to see it all together.
Remember I said how my friend put her clown costume on and she was happy no matter what? Well, I was exhausted, stressed out, and starting to get sick so I essientially felt like crap. But when I looked at myself in the mirror I started to giggle and dance around. It was amazing! I was truly sad when I had to take the shirt and jacket off so I could buy them because I wanted to stay in that happy place forever.
A few days later Mark offered some suspenders and I immediatly said yes please! and voila, a clown is born.
I found some shoes the same day I got my jacket and shirt, but they dont' seem to be workin' for me (they're probly gonna get tossed). This last week I rolled up my pant legs and danced bare-foot and ya know what? Even though Mark almost amputated one of my toes whilst dancing, I felt more me (me the clown) then I had with the shoes on. Also, I brought back my glasses because to me, for some reason, my clown i s incomplete w/o them.
The other portion of my "clown-ness" is the music I have found that suits him. It boggles my mind but when I listen to it, I feel that same little "yay!" I feel when I put on my hat and/or jacket.
Who knew there was so much joy to be had in playing the clown.
Gigglingly yours,
Jack
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
About time for an update
Us second year PACtors are in full swing, and by that I mean swinging off the walls trying to find the perfect scenes for our three scene study projects as well as discovering our inner (or not so inner) clowns and getting to "better know" William's Richard III. Phew.
For those not in the know, we are fully immersed up to our gills in Actor's Boot Camp. Yes...we've been forced to grow gills. Looks good under special skills. This is the time we are shaped from lowly acting meat props to full fledged Actors First Class and earn our stripes and spots on the wall.
This is a reminder to breathe, and an open invitation to share, to everyone who has gone before us, to those who have not yet been, and those who are still in the trenches. If you are one of the latter, just holler; we have plenty of ladders, it's kind of a thing.
Looking forward to sharing with whoever you are that is reading this right now.
For those not in the know, we are fully immersed up to our gills in Actor's Boot Camp. Yes...we've been forced to grow gills. Looks good under special skills. This is the time we are shaped from lowly acting meat props to full fledged Actors First Class and earn our stripes and spots on the wall.
This is a reminder to breathe, and an open invitation to share, to everyone who has gone before us, to those who have not yet been, and those who are still in the trenches. If you are one of the latter, just holler; we have plenty of ladders, it's kind of a thing.
Looking forward to sharing with whoever you are that is reading this right now.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
The Ensemble
Tonite we put our items in the ensemble box and will not touch them for the next year. It was a time of great emotion and tears. I cannot tell you what we put in the box; that is private for us. But as in Master class, it was a way to be open and come together as a group. The richness and incredibly personal aspect of each of the objects was amazing, and made me feel so very honored to be a member of this group. If even 1/10 of what I saw tonite makes it on stage then mark my words, the class of PAC 2009 is gonna kick some serious tail. Period.
Come watch us fly our dreams. I promise you won't be disappointed.
~Jack
Come watch us fly our dreams. I promise you won't be disappointed.
~Jack
Friday, September 5, 2008
Summer on Stage Internship
Now that the frenetic work preparing for auditions is done and I've slept for a week, I can finally sit down and post about the Summer on Stage Internship.
I signed on for half of it, because I was out of town for the first half, and it's a good thing, too. It was a lot of work! From July 30th until August 15th, I was 9-5ing with the best of them, only admittedly having a lot more fun than I've had at any full time job I've ever held.
We had 17 kids in the class and worked on "Inside Out-Upside Down," a play of monologues written by young people about the wall that exists between "normal" people and people with disabilities and differences. There was faint grumbling from the students in the beginning. "It's not Shakespeare!" was a common disappointed statement. One student from England pointed out how impressive it was that kids here were complaining about not doing Shakespeare. That was impressive! The kids in the program were fantastic, hard working while still having fun, and of course, goofing off.
Originally, my job description was mostly about wrangling the kids and not letting too much goofing off happen. Also, I was there to assist the long time, respected teachers, Andrea White and Melissa Whitley. However, this session, Andrea had to be out of town for a week, and I was asked if I'd be up to helping teach.
Gulp
I stepped up and somehow squeaked "Yes. I'll help teach."
Which quickly became also helping with directing.
The seat of my pants grew wings and I was flying by them. I can't say that this flight was an expedition of soaring to new heights. My rump bumped along the ground most of the time. And I hit a few posts.
But I did it! With the very generous help and endless, warm encouragement of Melissa and Andrea, as well as Beth, Philip, Georgia and Sarah, I did it! I taught my first classes and said my first directorial words!
I drew from an outline of what Andrea needed taught while she was gone, some of her class exercises, some of Melissa's exercises, and mostly from the training I'd gotten since January. There I was, trying to craft all that I'd learned into something cohesive that would serve these kids in putting on this particular play. It was like playing with a Rubik's Cube made of a thousand precious gems. When a pattern would click into place, a burst of light and flood of understanding about the craft of acting would whoosh in.
Over the seemingly endless and simultaneously split-second-ness of the camp, as an ensemble, we faced many difficult times, including a death in one of the families of our actor's. The kids and faculty were amazing. Hell, we were ALL amazing in the face of the pain, rallying and coming back to do the hard work, supporting each other, keeping it real and somehow finding ways to smile at times in the midst of real life tragedy. Some innocence was lost for all of us, but the show went on.
I had no idea what all this would mean to me personally. Throughout, I was madly trying to choose and memorize my monologues, make all my rehearsal appointments with Simona, and get my beat analysis done in the little cracks of time I had at breaks. I was at school 9am to 10pm each day and at times thinking "Why the hell did I agree to do this? That was so stupid!"
It wasn't stupid, though. Inundating myself with this practice was an incredible opportunity for learning and growth, both personally and professionally.
On the day of the performance, we were all anxiously waiting the audience's arrival. Nicole came to run the box office for us, so I got to run flowers to the actors in the dressing room and express the good wishes from their families. I wish I'd had flowers for every one of them. The expression on their faces when the deliveries came made my heart explode.
I saw one man walking up the road and thought "Oh, another one! Yay!" One step closer and I suddenly recognized him as my husband, Tyler! I couldn't believe he could get out of work to come to the show! I was a beagle puppy, and I couldn't settle down! I was so glad he would get to see what I'd worked so hard to help create.
During the introduction of the play, Andrea and Melissa had me up on stage with them, and gave me credit as a co-director. I just stood their and grinned like an idiot. I was too excited to do anything else. So I stood there like a total dork. I regret nothing. It was awesome.
The house lights went down and the show went up. We all watched the young actors with bated breath. All the kinks somehow disappeared, and all the enthusiasm we had fought together as a group to achieve magically arrived. I was on the edge of my seat!
I remembered seeing Connor during "The Secret Rapture" sitting in the audience soundlessly mouthing the entire play as the actors spoke their lines. I remembered Beth and the intensity of her gaze during "The Hiding Place" willing the actors to give all they had. I felt like I was privy to this sacred, special, hallowed experience: I could feel myself emanating the directorial beam of light and love, an invested guide willing every line to be delivered well, pulling with all my might for the good energy, the great performance, and rooting for those kids on that stage. It was incredible to want so much for so many at the same time. It's a selflessness that caught me off guard. And I high that I will seek again.
I felt like the Grinch. My heart actually swelled with pride - three sizes that day! In that moment I could not believe that it was me sitting there, and that I actually helped to create that living piece of art that was happening RIGHT NOW! Effecting people, touching the actors, the directors, the audience, and me. No matter how many times you hear the lines or see the play, it can move you again and again. Those actors have those feelings in them. They share them with you. It's intense, incredible work.
That night, I started the Master Class and cried in front of everybody all weekend long, both as a person and an actor. The timing couldn't have been more right for Jane and Sarah to sweep in and help me put all my pieces back together and repair my pant-wings for auditions. I was both exhausted and exhilarated.
There was a moment by myself that night in bed, staring wide eyed into the dark, when I privately sniffled with an overwhelming and happy gratitude for the opportunity that the Universe provided me to be a part of Summer on Stage at PAC, for the bravery of those kids, for the passion and belief that the SOS teachers and PAC faculty and staff have in their actors and their art, and the simple fact that I finally had the courage and strength to show up and take a place in the middle of it all for that amazingly short and endless period of time.
I signed on for half of it, because I was out of town for the first half, and it's a good thing, too. It was a lot of work! From July 30th until August 15th, I was 9-5ing with the best of them, only admittedly having a lot more fun than I've had at any full time job I've ever held.
We had 17 kids in the class and worked on "Inside Out-Upside Down," a play of monologues written by young people about the wall that exists between "normal" people and people with disabilities and differences. There was faint grumbling from the students in the beginning. "It's not Shakespeare!" was a common disappointed statement. One student from England pointed out how impressive it was that kids here were complaining about not doing Shakespeare. That was impressive! The kids in the program were fantastic, hard working while still having fun, and of course, goofing off.
Originally, my job description was mostly about wrangling the kids and not letting too much goofing off happen. Also, I was there to assist the long time, respected teachers, Andrea White and Melissa Whitley. However, this session, Andrea had to be out of town for a week, and I was asked if I'd be up to helping teach.
Gulp
I stepped up and somehow squeaked "Yes. I'll help teach."
Which quickly became also helping with directing.
The seat of my pants grew wings and I was flying by them. I can't say that this flight was an expedition of soaring to new heights. My rump bumped along the ground most of the time. And I hit a few posts.
But I did it! With the very generous help and endless, warm encouragement of Melissa and Andrea, as well as Beth, Philip, Georgia and Sarah, I did it! I taught my first classes and said my first directorial words!
I drew from an outline of what Andrea needed taught while she was gone, some of her class exercises, some of Melissa's exercises, and mostly from the training I'd gotten since January. There I was, trying to craft all that I'd learned into something cohesive that would serve these kids in putting on this particular play. It was like playing with a Rubik's Cube made of a thousand precious gems. When a pattern would click into place, a burst of light and flood of understanding about the craft of acting would whoosh in.
Over the seemingly endless and simultaneously split-second-ness of the camp, as an ensemble, we faced many difficult times, including a death in one of the families of our actor's. The kids and faculty were amazing. Hell, we were ALL amazing in the face of the pain, rallying and coming back to do the hard work, supporting each other, keeping it real and somehow finding ways to smile at times in the midst of real life tragedy. Some innocence was lost for all of us, but the show went on.
I had no idea what all this would mean to me personally. Throughout, I was madly trying to choose and memorize my monologues, make all my rehearsal appointments with Simona, and get my beat analysis done in the little cracks of time I had at breaks. I was at school 9am to 10pm each day and at times thinking "Why the hell did I agree to do this? That was so stupid!"
It wasn't stupid, though. Inundating myself with this practice was an incredible opportunity for learning and growth, both personally and professionally.
On the day of the performance, we were all anxiously waiting the audience's arrival. Nicole came to run the box office for us, so I got to run flowers to the actors in the dressing room and express the good wishes from their families. I wish I'd had flowers for every one of them. The expression on their faces when the deliveries came made my heart explode.
I saw one man walking up the road and thought "Oh, another one! Yay!" One step closer and I suddenly recognized him as my husband, Tyler! I couldn't believe he could get out of work to come to the show! I was a beagle puppy, and I couldn't settle down! I was so glad he would get to see what I'd worked so hard to help create.
During the introduction of the play, Andrea and Melissa had me up on stage with them, and gave me credit as a co-director. I just stood their and grinned like an idiot. I was too excited to do anything else. So I stood there like a total dork. I regret nothing. It was awesome.
The house lights went down and the show went up. We all watched the young actors with bated breath. All the kinks somehow disappeared, and all the enthusiasm we had fought together as a group to achieve magically arrived. I was on the edge of my seat!
I remembered seeing Connor during "The Secret Rapture" sitting in the audience soundlessly mouthing the entire play as the actors spoke their lines. I remembered Beth and the intensity of her gaze during "The Hiding Place" willing the actors to give all they had. I felt like I was privy to this sacred, special, hallowed experience: I could feel myself emanating the directorial beam of light and love, an invested guide willing every line to be delivered well, pulling with all my might for the good energy, the great performance, and rooting for those kids on that stage. It was incredible to want so much for so many at the same time. It's a selflessness that caught me off guard. And I high that I will seek again.
I felt like the Grinch. My heart actually swelled with pride - three sizes that day! In that moment I could not believe that it was me sitting there, and that I actually helped to create that living piece of art that was happening RIGHT NOW! Effecting people, touching the actors, the directors, the audience, and me. No matter how many times you hear the lines or see the play, it can move you again and again. Those actors have those feelings in them. They share them with you. It's intense, incredible work.
That night, I started the Master Class and cried in front of everybody all weekend long, both as a person and an actor. The timing couldn't have been more right for Jane and Sarah to sweep in and help me put all my pieces back together and repair my pant-wings for auditions. I was both exhausted and exhilarated.
There was a moment by myself that night in bed, staring wide eyed into the dark, when I privately sniffled with an overwhelming and happy gratitude for the opportunity that the Universe provided me to be a part of Summer on Stage at PAC, for the bravery of those kids, for the passion and belief that the SOS teachers and PAC faculty and staff have in their actors and their art, and the simple fact that I finally had the courage and strength to show up and take a place in the middle of it all for that amazingly short and endless period of time.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Forget Tolkien!
We're the fellowship of the Conservatory. Together we nine shall embark upon a quest such as we have never known. In this quest we go, not to destroy an object of beauty and evil, but to find our breath and active action. We will seek our objective with all our heart, overcoming whatever obstacles are in our way using tactics we have learned from our mentors. We will journey to strange lands and countries all whilst staying within the eager bounds of our little theatre.
Fair thee well wherever you fare. May our aeries receive us at our journey's end.
~Legolas aka Jack ;)
Fair thee well wherever you fare. May our aeries receive us at our journey's end.
~Legolas aka Jack ;)
Sunday, August 17, 2008
6 days left...
And we're all feeling it. Eep! BUT! If I learned nothing in Master class this weekend, it is to breathe. Just bloody breathe.
Come on people, BREATHE!!!! Overload yourself with air, get high on O2 darn it all!
Whatever you do in the meantime to keep yourself calm is your own business, but before your monolouges/scenes (and don't forget during!) just freakin' breathe.
BREATHE!!!!!
~Jack
Come on people, BREATHE!!!! Overload yourself with air, get high on O2 darn it all!
Whatever you do in the meantime to keep yourself calm is your own business, but before your monolouges/scenes (and don't forget during!) just freakin' breathe.
BREATHE!!!!!
~Jack
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Audition Panic Mode
In 16 dys, I will be standing before the audition panel at Portland Actor's Conservatory. I have gone to auditions before (albeit not many), and I will go to many after this, but there's something different about this one.
As an actor I have so much to learn, and I am well aware of this. LOL, I wouldn't be here at PAC if I didn't know that (I'd be out there getting hired and working). I moved to Portland specifically to attend at PAC, so my hopes for myself are high in the upcoming weeks. As I said, I have a ton to learn and this is the place I want to learn it and-- whoops, nerves just hit, I need to go throw up, brb.
...
...
...
...
Ok. Now, what is the point of this pathetic little reveal you may ask? Here it is: Auditions are coming up and all of us track 1st years are in major panic mode (and ain't posting on the blog very much, sorry!). We have Acting 4 and Monolouge Development in which the thing hanging over our heads constantly is: AUDITIONS! This causes our stress levels to jump about 40 points, and in my case, worship at the porcalin altar.
So, if you happen to see a person with a nervous twitch and glazed eyes who wanders around talking to themself, you might just be looking at a PAC student.
Saint Genesius, pray for us.
~Jack
As an actor I have so much to learn, and I am well aware of this. LOL, I wouldn't be here at PAC if I didn't know that (I'd be out there getting hired and working). I moved to Portland specifically to attend at PAC, so my hopes for myself are high in the upcoming weeks. As I said, I have a ton to learn and this is the place I want to learn it and-- whoops, nerves just hit, I need to go throw up, brb.
...
...
...
...
Ok. Now, what is the point of this pathetic little reveal you may ask? Here it is: Auditions are coming up and all of us track 1st years are in major panic mode (and ain't posting on the blog very much, sorry!). We have Acting 4 and Monolouge Development in which the thing hanging over our heads constantly is: AUDITIONS! This causes our stress levels to jump about 40 points, and in my case, worship at the porcalin altar.
So, if you happen to see a person with a nervous twitch and glazed eyes who wanders around talking to themself, you might just be looking at a PAC student.
Saint Genesius, pray for us.
~Jack
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