Jacob's Apology

There are no words to describe how terrible i feel.
For those who don't know...last night, Saturday July 19th, the second year students of the track program at Portland Actors Conservatory were given a farewell party. For people like me in the first year of the program it is tradition to assist with the party. I was responsible for ten dollars and some pizza and just showing up at the party to give my best wishes and participate in a little presentation.
But alas...I did not make it.
We were given the date long ago to remember and we have been planning it for a long time...and then...I don't show up.
I let people down.
Indstead I was stuck doing a thirteen hour shift at my new job so i can still keep my car.
Blah blah blah excuses excuses, I know, you hate em.
I had NO clue that it was yesterday. When I got my voice mail from Jack saying she was at the party I had no idea what she was talking about. I thought maybe she meant we were having another meeting to plan the party or...just some other random party i didn't know about. But then it slowly sunk in...oh shit! THE party.
I got out of work at 10:15, the part started around 7 30. there was no way in hell i could make it. And if I did the party would long be over.
And then the self-hatred sinks in.
My god they're all gonna hate me.
My god they'll never forgive me.
My god Beth will be disappointed.
My god my future in the acting business is over!!
The last one a bit extreme but all the same i couldn't help but think it.
Being in PAC is more than just about YOUR pursuit to be a better actor. It's about being a part of the team.
I love all my fellow student at PAC and I am so glad to know them and have these classes with them. The entire Portland Actors Conservatory just feels so right to me, I feel safe, secure, comfortable and welcome. And then it appears like I took advantage of all of that.
Boy if I could go back in time.
How could I forget? What kind of an idiot who has been part of the planning process the whole time comes back with the excuse: I had no idea?
Well enough of my self-deprication. I thuroughly and whole-heartedy apologize to both the first years and the second years and beth and chris and everybody.
I wish nothing but the best for the graduatied second-years. I enjoyed watching them very VERY much and I have seen them grow as we first-years grow and I hope those who decide to continue the pursuit of acting all the best.
To Beth I want to say I'm sorry.
To Vinnie I will have your ten doallars...and interest.
Hopefully I will continue to be welcome at PAC.
I will see most of you on Monday. Sorry again.
And I do hope the party was enjoyable for everybody.